Monthly Archives: January 2015

Ed Milliband Joke

Many readers will know how much I despise Nick Clegg, Ed Milliband and Ed Balls.

This little gem dropped into my possesion earlier today. Enjoy!

Ed Miliband walks into a bank to cash a cheque. “Good morning”, says Ed, “could you please cash this cheque for me?”
Cashier: “It would be my pleasure Sir, but could you please show me some identification?”

Miliband: “Truthfully… I did not bring my ID with me as I didn’t think there was any need to. But hang on! I’m Ed Miliband, Leader of the Opposition and of the Labour Party!!!”
Cashier: ““Yes Sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers etc, I must insist on seeing some identification”.

Miliband: “Just ask any of the customers here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am!”
Cashier: “I’m sorry Sir, but these are the bank rules and I must follow them”.

Miliband: “I am urging you please, to cash this cheque for me”.
Cashier: “Look Sir, this is what we can do. One day Colin Montgomery came into the bank without any ID. To prove he was Colin Montgomery he pulled out his putter and putted a ball along the floor and into a small cup. With that sort of skill we knew it was Colin Montgomery and we cashed his cheque. On another occasion, Andy Murray came in without any ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and lobbed a tennis ball straight into my teacup with such a spectacular shot that we all knew it was Andy Murray.

Ed Miliband stood there thinking and thinking and then finally says, “To be honest, there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can’t think of a single thing that I’m any good at.”
Cashier: “Will it be large or small notes you require Mr Miliband?

January 2015 – Update from The Investment Network

My business The Investment Network has the following urgent requirements.

Please see the list below and if you would like more information, please either contact us or request a call back.

  • Freelance sales experts required x 4 (recruitment, consultancy, advertising, specialist coating and cleaning). Field and phone based.
  • Small hotel in Ireland wanted budget €600k.
  • Microsoft Consultants required for joint venture. Azure experience a bonus.
  • AWS Specialists required for joint venture.
  • Freelance business consultants with SME experience required for February booking UK wide.
  • Freelance business consultants required in Ireland with solid SME experience for April start.
  • Dealers required for cleaning products and specialist coatings.
  • Junior broker required UK and Ireland.
  • Office space required in Dublin.
  • Retail units with A3 consent required UK wide.
  • A wide variety of businesses are needed to sell to our clients. Over 50 clients looking for new business opportunities.
  • Dealers required for business automation systems.
  • Business representatives required in the Benelux region.
  • Wanted. Businesses seeking SEIS investment before 2016.
  • Pubs required. South London and West London. ALL W and SW postcodes considered
  • Business Finance Brokers, IFA’s Solicitors and accountants required to work with us. Quality sales leads available!
  • Joint Venture Requirement – Looking for someone to join our team on a freelance basis to recruit print companies to use our one-of-a-kind sales engine.
  • CRM Software Sales Specialists required for Joint Venture. Looking for someone to become “part of the family”. Great opportunity.
  • Businesses considering CVA wanted.

Please contact me for more information